Back in 2016 I had no home I was living back with my parents and three children and One day I felt terribly sick. I knew what i had to do so i took a pregnancy test and there before my eyes two lines popped up, I was pregnant again . I decided not to ho through with the pregnancy . This decision haunts me to this day depriving a baby of life. Its such a tragic selfish act to commit but it had to be done. The first pill tore my heart and mind into pieces the realization of what I had done hit me like a tonne of bricks.
Do people grieve for a terminated baby even if by choice i believe they can.
All i remember was curling up into a tiny ball while i lost the pregnancy sobbing and shivering . It was one of the worst moments of my life knowing i had ended a babies life. That is a hard thing to acccept and forgive yourself. I believe i suffered postnatal depression after this termination. Which escalated on the next two children. I am truly sorry for that baby I took away. I had overwhelming emotions over this termination, something I find it very difficult to say as I am full of shame and guilt mixed with emptiness and self loathing but after being made homeless after the court case And having to move . It would of been irresponsible to have another child at that time. I am sorry for that child I never had , that never existed through my selfishness . One can be consumed with self hate and I believe this lead my into depression with next pregnancy’s